October 14, 2009
I'm pregnant. Just like that. With a blink of an eye or rather with the thrust of some hips... and some other biological processes, I am pregnant. Was I shocked at first? Yes, incredibly shocked. Was I scared? Yes, definitely yes. Was I happy? More than I ever could imagine... once the "Holy shit, I'm pregnant!" reaction subsided.
After sharing a bottle of wine with a dear friend and talking about not having kids for another 3-5 years... I realized "Oh my God, I'm like 5 days late!" I immediately began to obsess with the thought. Of course, instead of putting these incessant thoughts at ease with a simple pee-on-a-stick ritual, I decided to wait... and wait. No sign of Aunt Flow. She must have missed her flight. I thought "I've been working a lot lately, it has to be the stress." I had just finished wrapping up the crazy publicity for an event that managed to suck the life force out of me.
For a six weeks, I had replaced my dear sleep with naps and my eating habits would've make anorexics jealous. Surely, Aunt Flow would arrive soon... it's the stress, the lack of sleep, the birth control... THE BIRTH CONTROL?! OH MY GOD! I forgot to put in the Nuvaring last month! And AT forgot we were on the no-fail-pull-out-method and OH MY GOD... who am I kidding? I'm knocked up.
Still in denial, swearing to myself that "my boobies hurt" because my period was on its way along with the usual fatigue, I decided not to think about it again as the weekend approached. I wrote off my early pregnancy symptoms as PMS and just waited.
After spending the weekend with my love indulging in things you should only do if you're over 21 and no sign of Aunt Flow, I decided I had to take a pregnancy test. I'll wait 'til Monday morning. Monday came and went. Nothing yet.
By Tuesday, I knew I had buy a pregnancy test stat but I would wait to get out of work (as tempted as I was to go during lunch) and take the test with AT, my incredibly fertile baby daddy. Around 4:30 in the afternoon, I was feeling sick to my stomach... went into the ladies room and BARF! There went my lentil soup.
I rushed back to my desk and called the little marketplace downstairs from the office.
"Hello, Islander Marketplace" silence... silence... I couldn't say it, I was almost embarrassed. "Do you have pregnancy tests?," I quietly asked. To my relief they did. I buy my lunch there all the time, do I really want the cashier to know I may be pregnant? I didn't care, I had to know. I bought a two-pack and was on my way.
Nervously opening the box, I took the first test and waited... and waited... and no lines. No lines?!? You have to be kidding me. One line is not pregnant. Two is pregnant. Kinda like one if by land, two if by sea... everyone knows you need one or the other! But I had no lines and an empty bladder. Shit.
I read the instructions again. Turned out, I had a faulty test. So now I had to wait again. After five minutes of inner-dialoguing with my bladder, "Come on, I just need a little bit" - she let go of the reserves and I was happily peeing on the stick. Now to wait the three minutes... but in less than thirty seconds I had two "in your face" lines.
I am pregnant. It's confirmed.
Of course, you think I'd call AT first. But no, like a scared five year old, I called my mommy... she was in shock but happy. I was just in shock. The happiness came later but for now, I was dear-in-headlights-shocked. I called AT and said "Hi baby, can you be home in half hour?" Of course, he was wondering why I was so mysterious. I didn't want to tell him over the phone but I had to see him right away, it couldn't wait. "I took a pregnancy test..." I whispered. He knew the result. He was happy, ecstatic even. I was just... shocked. My mind was a million thoughts per second.
As soon as he got home, he gave me the biggest hug and cried beautiful tears of joy. I was still in shock but it was starting to feel more real with every second and seeing AT's happiness made me feel like "every little thing is gonna be alright." I was starting to embrace the idea of being a mommy... and as I envisioned my baby in my arms, it felt so beautifully perfect. I love kids, I love family and I love my husband! And now, we are having our very own family! I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES!
After a beautiful evening celebrating with the love of my life, I woke up as though it were a dream... then I got up from bed and I nearly fainted, let the morning sickness begin!
